Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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