all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
