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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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