I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you would pick up someone in the library
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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