he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
this will be a night to untag.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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