what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
