my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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