lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
