I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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