Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
