great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
