HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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