So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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