the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
