spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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