If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
