Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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