even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
