ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think my tv is drunk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
two words...techno handjob
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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