she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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