he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
