So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
