I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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