We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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