I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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