So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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