it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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