Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
