how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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