I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
