i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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