Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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