sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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