Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
