i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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