I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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