he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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