I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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