CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
