dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
