Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
