i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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