...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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