Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
