he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I still have a little drunk in my system
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
