got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
