we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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