a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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