I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
