I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
